Moving Into Films: Introduction


Searching for the Question

One of the rites of passage in everyone's childhood is being asked: -"What do you want to be when you grow up?" As a kid I never had an answer because the question made no sense to me. What I wanted was to be rich! -I wanted to buy a lot of toys; I wanted to buy a coconut cake and eat it all by myself. But, that was not the answer that was being elicited. The question that was really being asked was: What do you want to do when you grow up? -Hey, how would I know? I was just a kid! What the question should have been, is: What would you like to be when you grow up? Now that I could answer: Errol Flynn!

Yes. Being a fearless knight, a charming rogue, a fighter pilot, to kick everyone's ass (with swords, fists, chopsticks, whatever), saving damsels in distress (as many as possible), or having huge picnic parties in the king's forest in the company of all my buddies, ah... -what a life! What else can a boy want? Oh, yes: Sophia Loren. I loved the way Italian women in movies were put together. Well, what else can you expect? I developed taste at very early age (I believe I was six).

Movies for me where not just movies; movies were journeys into alternative realities; movies were an imaginary trip into endless possibilities. Naturally, I imagined myself being there right next to my favorite hero slugging it out and living the life, my blood burning with passion as I lost myself in ancient and distant worlds jam-packed with adventure. And who could do all this with more bravado and panache than Errol Flynn? No one! He was the man! He was what I wanted to be.

Fast-forward to the present. Adulthood can be such a disappointment. First, I looked nothing like Errol Flynn. Second, I was a scrawny little kid who could not get the knack of pulverizing bullies with a stare no matter how I much tried. And, lastly -cruel world, I grew up to be a really curious bookworm whose newfound knowledge slowly lifted the fog of innocence and completely eradicated my naive but wonderful childhood dreams.

Feeling betrayed by the world I began to create my own in writing. By the time I was twelve I could match Errol, never in looks, but definitely in deeds. By the age of fourteen I was acting my stories on and off the stage. By the age of twenty-four, I had experienced my fantasies -managing to remain alive! Then, catastrophe hit me. I never really faced the question about what I wanted to do with my life, and now I had no answer. So I became an artist. This is what you become when you are lost.

Fast-forward fifteen years. During the time I was trying to figure things out. I got to be really good at painting; I also wrote; I did theatre. I even settled down (kind of) and had a family of my own. I also did some traveling and a little studying here and there trying to spice things up. But I was getting nowhere. I was still lost and drifting into nothingness. Breathing air in a limbo of commonality with a big question mark over my head.

Then it happened. I had my answer. Without realizing my fortune, I had developed a disparate set of talents and skills that slowly combined to prepared me to do the one thing I really ever wanted to do since I was a kid: make movies. The answer had been with me all along. I just had been too busy with the realities of life to realize that only in our dreams we can do what we want to do and be who we want to be. And, if we can dream about it, then, we can find a way to live it.

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